Getting ready in our hotel room for our first date as husband and wife.

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I heart Jarra and the Berry Peddlers!

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@hatchedky + @ryanjodieasher at the Berry Peddler stand at Lex Farmers Market.

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…and he is walking her off into the sunset.

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DON’T MISS THE LIVE USTREAM VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH AYELET WALDMAN AND THE #BADMOTHER CREW. TODAY, 12pm EST, HERE. It’s going to be better than The View.

We Want YOU Part of the Conversation!

(And tell your mom, your sister, and all your momma friends to join us too).

Bad mother? Good Mother? What about real mother? And who makes the better friends?

I wake up many days and worry that I am a bad mother, and fall asleep other days certain I am.

And I’m not alone. Most of the moms I talk to genuinely, vulnerably, honestly, (note: not the one’s that keep their conversations strictly to the latest diaper bag, merits of the Bugaboo stroller, exclusiveness of their Montessori school) have opened up to tell me that they suffer the same guilt.

How do we know we are all indeed Bad Mothers?

Simple: Because the myths we’ve created of the Good Mother sucker-punch us in the face every morning.

If I listed all the things of what a Good Mother is and does you would want to burn your eyes out with hot coals. So I’ll spare you. And I believe you already know them anyways, we all do. They are ingrained in our not-so-sub conscious and we get to struggle with them silently daily.

In a nut shell, a good mother will always put her children’s happiness before her own, and she will enjoy doing it, live for it, in fact. Because (do we really buy into this?) that a good mother’s happiness should only come as a by product of her children’ happiness. Any joy experienced removed from their own would be selfish, and a good mother is never selfish.

As Ayelet Waldon’s tells us in her book, Bad Mother,

Being a Good Mother, as defined by mothers themselves, is impossible. When
asked for an example of a Good Mother, the women I polled came up with June Cleaver and Marmie, from Little Women. Both of whom are by necessity, not coincidence, fictional characters. The Good Mother does not exist, and she has not ever existed, not even in those halcyon bygone days to which the arbiters of maternal conduct never tire of hearkening back.

What’s worse is that we, women, mothers, tend to be the perpetrators of our own crime. When we are not the one’s being judged we are the ones doing the judging.

Case in point: Mommy & Me playgroups.

I went three times to a Mommy and Me playgroup when Lucca was between the ages of 6-18 months and everytime I left feeling like the mother in me was completely worthless.

Mommy & Me playgroup day was the worst day of my week. I dreaded it, the energy required to keep up that much pretense was exhausting. The day I decided to quit and join the blogosphere instead, was happy one.

Perhaps that is the first appeal of the Bad Mother, there is more freedom in it.

Sitting across circle time at the library with a bunch of good mothers is not nearly as fun as sitting in a circle with a bunch of bad ones. At least in that bunch there might be one with a flask to pass around.

Another problem with the Good Mother, is that she doesn’t make a good friend.

That perhaps is the second appeal of the Bad Mother, you can be yourself around her without fear of condemnation or ridicule.

I learned early on that the blogosphere was a better fit for me than playgroups when I needed to connect to other moms. However as I’ve experienced first hand and as Ayelet points out, the blogosphere is not perfect.

An hour or two surfing the myriad of mommy blogs provides compelling support for the notion that we women are the primary authors of our own subjugation. The Bad Mother cops with the most aggressive arrest records are women.

Here are the details:

12PM EST Monday, May 11th

Live Video Conversation with Ayelet Waldman and the #BadMother Brigade.

I’m going to be streaming it live here on this blog, so you can come here and watch it!

If you want me to remind you on the 11th about the event, sign up here for this one time email reminder:

(Please visit here for sign up).

Be sure to leave your Bad Mother questions and comments below, because the will possibly be used in the discussion.

Also, all you tweeters out there, be sure to tweet any thoughts on the topic with #badmother so we can all chat.

For more Confessions of a #BadMother blog posts, be sure to visit some of the other bloggers in the #BadMother Brigade:

@MissIve, Sand in My Swim Suit

@RiaSharon, My Mommy Manual

p.s. Ayelet Waldman was on Oprah for her now infamouse article in the New York Times on loving her husband more than her kids. The way she handled the attacks for being a bad mother showed a lot of grace and restraint. In her words, her book, Bad Mother, is in part “a “&%k you to the insane Urban-Baby type moms” who sent her letters saying her children should be taken away from her. She said she is better prepared for the outlash this time around. I told her the #BadMother brigade has got her back.

Feelin like the coolest kids on the block. Drinking coffee outside, enjoying Mother’s Day morning like Ive never enjoyed it before.

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Never woke up to a brighter, more floral Mother’s Day than this one. Wishing you all a beautiful day.

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Not just into a new home, but into a new blog! Yes, we’ve outgrown this little WordPress hosted one and are moving on up to our own. Stay tuned! (And get ready to update your RSS feeds).

I’m still working the kinks out right ….But it is LIVE: ModernSingleMomma.com

I am really excited, it’s much more visual (you know I love photoraphy) and I get to show you a lot more of what makes me, “me.” So come check it out! (And please tell me what you think).

Lucca steals my glasses and we pose for a pic on the steps of our soon to be first home!

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