How I’ve missed my Man in Moseley 
errr, Man in Kentucky:
Yes, its harder being alone after practically being attached at the lips or the hips to this hottie (see above). But I’ve been a good strong, independent, single mom and kept myself together despite the overwhelming desire to rest my center of gravity in him.
I’ve been doing lots of yoga, eating lots of raw vegetables, getting up early to pray and walk, drinking lots of wine and enjoying girl time– you know, the things us Oprah-guided women do to “nurture” ourself when we aren’t having any sex).
Despite enjoying this spiritual high and me-time (note: me- time to a single mom rarely every means me-alone- time. It means: do-your-best-to-pretend-there-is-not-a-2-year-climbing-on-you-while-you-are zen-on-your-yoga-mat-in-downward-dog) I haven’t, however, forgotten how absolutely incredible it is to be near my Man, to spend longs days with him, to pray with him, to shower with him, to go on dates and do laundry with him.
Even after almost a month of living in one room together with Lucca, I never grew tired of his company or his man sweat. I’ve been without it for 2.5 weeks (feels like years) and have had to settle for Skype dates and SMS. Now it is less than a week until I’ll be with him once more, and I’m getting pretty excited. Pretty excited.
With the excitment comes the “holy-sh*t-I-haven’t-shaved-my-legs-in-a-month” need to do some beautifying. But unlike my preparations to see him in the past there will be no trips to the salon, no airbrush tans, no eyelash extensions, no new clothes. It’s not that I don’t want to get all dolled up for him anymore– i’ll always like being a woman for my Man even though I know he loves me pretty much the same looking like a lady as I do looking like a leperchan)–I wish I could go through the beauty gauntlet before my trip, but times are hard and “frivalties” have to go.
One thing that is not a frivalty is a good wax…But the economy has forced my to forgo a visit to my rockstar brazilian waxer and do it myself (so help me God).
I went to wallgreeens this morning and picked up an at-home Brazilian wax kit. Very scary. Lots of warnings on the box. Oh boy, who am I kidding? This isn’t going to work at all. Its kinda like like punching yourself in the face: you just can’t do it.
I will try though, if only for the adventure of it. (Daring activies defintiely help pass the time).
Monday night, the day before my early flight to Kentucky, you know what I’ll be doing: drinking a bottle of wine to find the courage and gusto to put hot wax on my….errrrr, punch myself in the face.
Honey, I love you. I can’t wait to see you and the Flowers in the Blue Grass State!
If any one has any tips on at-home brazilian waxing, please share them. If not, your prayers will work too.
Filed under: God, Personal Development, Single Mom Love Story, pop culture, rough times, sex, single-motherhood | Tagged: "me" time, at-home brazilian wax kit, brazilian wax, hot wax, Man in Kentucky, single mom me time
[...] reasonswhyihategirls wrote an interesting post today on [...]
I love you in all your conditions- don’t go punching yourself in the face on account of me.
I’m a man of principal. Namely, preservation.
Love,
MIK
Morg:
I was going to post some tips on waxing at home, and then I saw the post from MIK.
Now, all I can say is AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
As for the waxing, I’d be really careful with attempting a Brazilian at home. I used to wax my bikini line, but I wouldn’t attempt those, ummmm, tender inner regions. Seriously, you could hurt yourself!
Have you waxed yourself before? Putting baby powder or cornstarch on helps keep the wax from sticking to your skin. You might also want to use some rubbing alcohol to remove any oils prior to waxing. Make sure to keep the wax close to your skin, pulling upwards and parallel to your skin rather than out and away from your skin.
I learned this the hard way: the first few times I actually ripped my skin off in places and bruised myself in others. Fun!
Good luck!
What a sweetie!! We love MIK too!!
As I’ve said before, Laser Hair Removal. I’m just sayin’!! I promise you will love it. And I’ve talked many of girlfriends (and their husbands) into it too. Girl. It rocks my world to have a smooth… um… face. *giggle*
I love the comment about punching yourself in the face. It reminded me of the scene with Jim Carrey in Liar Liar when he was beating himself up in the bathroom. When that other guy came in and asked what he was doing and he said, “I’m kickin’ my ASS! Do ya mind?!?!”
Ha! Totally cracked me up!
Big hugs girl. Countin’ down with ya!
OMG, here’s my tip on at-home waxing….DO NOT do it! I’m getting ill just thinking about prior attempts!
And the wine, while a good pre-wax idea in theory? Will just impact accuracy. And that…is not…a good thing!
Have a great trip!
Yeah, I wish I had some tips to offer hon…but it sounds like he adores you, hair and all. So I’d skip the pain if I was in your shoes
I’m so excited that you’ll soon be reunited with your MIK!
Thanks girls (and Mr. Man!) for all of these words of wisdom. I think thought I’m still going to give it a go. Call me crazy. I know, I’m one of those that can’t just learn from being told, I have to *experience* the mistake myself!
Hey I like Holly’s advice… just be careful… once i tried some waxing and ended up with a skin rash from the irritation… I am sure I wasn’t doing something right… but just be careful… and keep us posted.
Enjoy Kentucky… saying a prayer right now for your wax adventure!
This might give you a glimps:
Waxing . . . .
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
‘Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.’
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one
of those ‘cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub
the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart
and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right
off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m not a genius,
but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
(’Cold wax, yeah…right!’) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the
skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all
wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids,
I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right
side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and
stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I
inhale deeply and brace myself….RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!…..OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off
half the strip. CRAP ! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is
spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out…must stay
conscious…must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe…OK,back to normal.
I want to see my trophy – a wax covered strip, the one that has
caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to
revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the
strip!
There’s no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I
see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it’s not! I
touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake…remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
SEALED SHUT!!!!
MY BUTT IS SEALED SHUT!
SEALED SHUT!!!!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to
do and think to myself ‘Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My
head may pop off!’
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I
can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and
the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!******
I get in the tub – the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then glued to the
bottom of the tub…in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax.
So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced
me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has
some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation
starter……
‘So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the
tub!’
There is a slight pause. She doesn’t know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
know exactly where the wax is located, ‘Are we talking cheeks or hole or
hoo-ha?’
She’s laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else’s night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape
the wax off with a razor
Nothing feels better than to have your girliegoodies covered in hot wax,
glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot
water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m
pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and.
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don’t care.
‘IT WORKS!! It works!!’ I get a hearty congratulation from my friend
and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice
to my grief and despair….
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE…….ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now. Nothing
hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I’m going to try hair color
Hahaha the “punch yourself in the face” line totally cracked me up! Good luck on your night of pain
Say an extra prayer.
1. Tell me how the Brazlian goes.
2. How long will you be in KY. I’m thinking Mr. Man, Benjamin and I should take a little road trip next weekend! Holy shit! Wouldn’t that be fucking fantastic???? Just don’t try to take me to church or anything. : )
XOXO
I miss you!!!
Alaina-
I’ll be in KY till the 17th! I’m keeping L at home with the P’s, I would love to see you and Benjamin and meet Mr. Man! (Introduce him to My Man
And as far as the Brazilian goes– I’m still trying to muster up the courage.
First…I would be willing to try it after a bottle of wine! LOL But I couldnt do it by myself or by anyone else…I’m such a freaking wuss.
Second ….when you do relocate, I would love to take a road trip!
OMG.
I am dying laughing. Read KE’s comment and story:
“MY BUTT IS SEALED SHUT!
SEALED SHUT!!!!”
the funniest home-waxing story EVER!
Why not just shave? I did this once – well went and had it done – thought I was going to die from the pain! Yeah I am a ninny!!!
Good luck though!
[...] took J-Fo’s advice and skipped the alcohol prior to the [...]
Yes, if Miss KE doesn’t have a blog, she should! I am sitting in a coffee shop reading her waxing horror story and laughing so hard I am crying. Thanks KE! Everyone’s looking at me like I am a lunatic. Seriously, that’s the most hilarious thing I have read in a LONG time!
[...] is always so hard leaving one of my men and being thousands of miles from the other. Man in Kentucky and I said goodbye at an airport, [...]
Miss KE’s post was so freaking funny. I can’t stop laughing and I’m waking up my man. I’m laughing so hard he thinks I’m up late crying. Thanks for the laugh. and miss KE you do need a blog. BTW I love this blog and I am so grateful for it.