I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. I didn’t know I was pregnant, I didn’t think I was pregnant, in fact I knew it was almost impossible that I could be pregnant. But none the less people kept commenting on my belly and asking me, “Are you pregnant?”
Pregnant
Pregnant
Pregnant
Did not, do not, want to be pregnant, in real life or in my dream…
But, in the dream, after all the repeat inquiries into the speculative occupancy of my womb, I decided to take a pregnancy test, if only to put to rest those ridiculous and rude questions. So I have I belly! I know! That doesn’t mean I’m pregnant, it just means that my body does not care how restrictive the calorie count goes or intense the rebounder workouts become, it fancies womanly curves.
Except in this case, it did. I WAS pregnant. I put my hand on the top of my belly and felt an eerily familiar sensation- an alien body moving inside of me, kicking hard in fact, up near my ribs.
How was I going to explian this to my Man, my love? We had not technically, in the baby making sense, had sex yet, choosing instead to wait until marriage. (We are intimate in a million beautiful, hot and steamy other ways…that are just ours to know about 
.
Why and how was I pregnant? My Man is going leave me for sure, I imagined. I would be a single mom, twice over, and have two different father’s to my children, one of which most likely was a sperm-filled ghost that I have no recollection of copulating with. (Side note: Funny, a manipulative ghost is a pretty good description of L’s birth father, as well).
A rush of loneliness, fear and shame came over me. It mimicked my first experience learning I was pregnant. The pain-body indeed remembers and I was flooded with memories of darker times. Just like the first time, I thought to myself, “How am I going to do this?”
As if preparing for a battle with inner demons of self-mockery and disgust, my higher self stepped up and said in no uncertain terms,
“You can handle whatever life gives you. You have proved this to yourself already and so have no fear. I am with you. Pregnant or not you are capable of anything, for I have graced your life…And by the way, your man still loves you. He does not judge you. In fact, he loves that alien baby inside of you. So snap out of it, stop smoking and drinking, and make room for a big grand change of plans.”
My Man from Moseley than appeared and I looked at him with eyes that said, “Do you really still love me? You really don’t think I’m a floozy for getting pregnant by some horny ghost?”
And he pulled me close and put his hand on my belly and with his warmth he said, “I love you more than ever, and I am sorry I was not there to protect you from those ghosts, but from here on out I am.”
Peace swept over me. I was still not excited about sharing personal real estate with an unknown speciman, but I comforted myself with the fact that babies of all kinds are cute, and mostly this one would be too. I surrendered myself to a Bigger Plan. And then woke up.
Turns out someone in my family IS pregnant. My sister! How crazy is it that she called to tell us that this morning? I always knew we were connected on a deep, deep level and often times my dreams reveal just how telepathic our relationship may be.
Still, I’m thinking I might pick up a pregnancy test, just to put my own mind at ease. Dreams are just dreams I know, and the likelihood of conception happening in my body is highly, highly, highly, highly, RIDICULOUSLY unlikely. But geeze, my stomach is tweaking me out now- I can’t stop looking at it every time I pass by a mirror or a reflective window. It is perfectly protruding in the baby incubation zone right below the belly button. It’s remniscent of about 13 weeks.
If indeed I am pregant, I am buying a power-ball ticket tonight and betting on the fact that my numbers for the 72 million jackpot will be called out tomorrow. Easy-peasy.
How likely is it to conceive from “sort-of sex” when you have the I.U.D? (Just so you know, I’m not going to define sort-of sex for you. Something in my relationship has to be sacred and just ours.
Filed under: Personal Development, Single Mom Love Story, empowement, rough times, sex, single-motherhood | Tagged: dream about pregnancy, pregnancy test, pregnant, single
Oh my goodness you are cute!
What a dream! Congrats to your sister!
Hey, have you heard the song “Lucky” by Jason Mraz/Colbie Caillat? Totally made me think of you and your man.
great dream!
Your relationship with your sister reminds me of mine with my brother. I swear I can feel his pain!
You had me there, I thought (for a few seconds there) it was TRUE! Congrat to your sister!
i have the same connection with my sister…in fact, when i called her to tell her i was pregnant, she beat me to the punch & said she had had a dream that i was. god, i love her.
that being said, not to make you worry, but yes, i got pregnant via birth control. so check just to put your mind at rest.
good luck girlie!
Sweetie, the odds are totally against baby time. IUD’s are about failproof, and sort of sex combined….there’s better odds of you being hit by an airplane while jetskiing in Tibet.
Ahhh, I love love! And I love the way you write about yours. And the clever description you gave of ‘the birth father’.
Congratulations to your sister!
Wow, M! I was really shocked for a moment there when I saw that post title!
I don’t know about you, but next time I get pregnant, I hope I have PLANNED it! That would be an entirely different experience than what I went through last time.
This post is just scary.
I know of someone who just recently DID get pregnant WITH an IUD (so it can happen) – she sadly lost the baby as IUD pregnancies are high risk (obviously).