Fat Flush Plan: Who’s With Me?

This is the after party: 2 weeks of the Fat Flash Plan! “The Breakthrough Weight Loss Diet That: Melts fat from his, waist and thighs in just two weeks and reshapes your body while detoxifying your system.”

I’m beginning it tomorrow.

Guess what I get to look forward to?

14 days of protein and vegetables and all the good kinds of oils you never learned about in the food pyramid. No sugar. No flour. No cigarettes. No….oh my god….no alcohol! (No coffee either, technically, but there is noooooooo way that is going work).

Today, I did the planning, the self-pep talk and the Whole Foods shopping.

I’ve had the book since January, read it, got psyched for the return of the pre-baby body, attempted it once, and failed miserably:

I made it a week, felt amazing, and then one pretty little pastry did me in. I thought I was strong enough to handle it and it was just so pretty- pink frosting tempting me like little vixon. One pastry turned to two, turned to twenty. I woke up in a blur of sugar and flour and said, “Where’s the alcohol? F-it! This sucks!”

This time is going to be d-i-f-f-e-r-e-n-t. I know better now, I can’t cheat, not even a smidgen. And I just spent over a hundred precious buckaroos on all the Fat Flushing necessities and so I’ll be damned if that hard earned cash gets flushed down the toilet. (It will go down the toilet but only through me first!)

I’ve cleared out the pantry of Lucky Charms, Twizzlers and red wine and made room for a glorious shelf of herbal supplements. Here is the starting line up: Black Current Omega-3 GLA; Organic High-Lignan Flaxseed Oil; Super Milk Thistle with Dandelion Root Extract; Psyllium Husk; and Country Life’s Lipotropic Formulation with Vitamin B-6, Choline, L-Carnitine L-Arginine, and a whole bunch of other L-something-or-others.

I’m rrrrrrready! I’m psyched! I already feel 10lbs svelter. (Kinda like feeling like you’ve already worked out when all you’ve done is put on a sports bra and laced your tennis shoes).

The truth is, I love the planning stage– It always feels like I’ve gotten a new lease on life and the sun is shining brighter. It’s days 2-14 that succccck and I wonder what the hell was I ever thinking.

This time though, I’m prepared for that resistance to come up and to mentally breakdown (lack of glucose to the brain will do that).

Here is what I’m planning to do to cope when the inner pissed- off momma wants to raid all of Lucca’s snacks:

• journal, a.k.a. blog– be prepared
• light a candle and stick my finger in the flame
• have a cigarette dammit!
• send a nasty email off to Ann Louise Gittleman, author of the Fat Flush Plan
• curl up in a ball and cry, and ask the gods take care of my son and just let me sleep until I can have my Lucky Charms again
• make crazy-woman vlogs
• pace back and forth and curse like a sailor

Sound like fun?!! Who is with me?

pppppplease some one do this with me.