In my last post about falling into long-distance love, I asked you all how long you would carry on an email/phone/skype-based romance before you put it to the test of a real meeting…
Bringing love “back down to earth,” may neutralize a bit of the lighting-bolt magic, but ultimately its what gives the relationship the chance to fully grow and mature, right?
When I asked my friend if she thought her frenetic state of love would mellow into a more manageable state, she said, “Yes, I think it has too.”
Then when I asked her if/when it does, will she feel a sense of loss?
And then she told me what her man told her when she asked him the same question, “No sense of loss…just a shift. At the point we come down from our buzz, we will then have the pleasure to work at love together.”
Incredible ehe? The two of them are aware, ready, and willing for the entire journey. Even after they’ve brought love back down to earth.
What about you? Would you risk the perfectness and thrill of a far-away romance for the chance to create something in your life that at times might test your resolve for love itself?
As a single parent, how much are you willing to risk to journey a path that takes you to the depths of compassion, patience, and acceptance for another and yourself?
Filed under: Single Mom Love Story, waxing poetical | Tagged: acceptance, compassion, earth, journey, Life, patience, resolve, Romance, Single Mom Love Story
I love all the posts on love lately….gives me just enough to day dream about it.
I am not sure that I am up for that sort of risk. I believe that stability and consistency really do wonders for the emotional growth of a child. To leap out and take a risk that could potentially change them for the negative would be selfish on my part. There is one thing I have found to be true in the last few years…successfully raising kids as a single parent means placing their interests first. To remove them from the one consistent thing in their life would be very hard to do just for a chance at love. Love to me is actions and commitment…those lightning bolts will fade if those two are present.
My hope is that one day my prayers will be answered and all things will align…timing, person, etc. Then I can put into action all that I have learned on this journey so far.
Thank you for telling me you are enjoying them! We all need something to day dream about. I really appreciate your perspective on raising your kids and putting them first. I believe in my heart, the true love that man has for my single momma friend has at its very core respect and honor for the needs and commitments she has as a single parent.
i love what you said, “Love to me is actions and commitments.” I couldn’t agree more. But I also believe that its those same actions and commitments that keep love fresh and alive….not faded.
Just think, if soul mates exists, then there is a very lucky woman out there who is waiting for you to answer HER prayers….and then both of you will have each other to share all that the journey has taught you as individuals so far. Magic.
Oops!! I meant to say “…if those two are not present.”
I hope someone is out there for me…time will tell that.
Love your posts!! Keep them comming!
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frenetic state of love would mellow into a more manageable state, she said, “Yes, I think it has too.”
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ditto, that state is just unsustainable:
from the February 12 2004 Economist Magazine article titled, “I get a kick out of you”:
http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/love-science.html
..Parts of the brain that are love-bitten include the one responsible for gut feelings, and the ones which generate the euphoria induced by drugs such as cocaine. So the brains of people deeply in love do not look like those of people experiencing strong emotions, but instead like those of people snorting coke.
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science’s grasp of love’s various forms .. lust, romantic love and long-term attachment.
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Lust, of course, involves a craving for sex. .. aftermath of lustful sex is similar to the state induced by taking opiates. A heady mix of chemical changes occurs, including increases in the levels of serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin and endogenous opioids (the body’s natural equivalent of heroin)
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Then there is attraction, or the state of being in love (what is sometimes known as romantic or obsessive love). This is a refinement of mere lust that allows people to home in on a particular mate. This state is characterised by feelings of exhilaration, and intrusive, obsessive thoughts about the object of one’s affection. Some researchers suggest this mental state might share neurochemical characteristics with the manic phase of manic depression.
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Wonderful though it is, romantic love is unstable — not a good basis for child-rearing. But the final stage of love, long-term attachment, allows parents to co-operate in raising children. This state, says Dr Fisher, is characterised by feelings of calm, security, social comfort and emotional union.
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So true Dan…
I will tell my friend to brace herself and aim for the ‘long-term attachment’– the feeling of calm and emotional/spiritual union that is most conducive to raising children, and sharing a long and happy life with a love.
I saw a similar article in Time magazine. Their conclusion was that two people have to be best friends for the relationship to last. As Dan qouted from the Economist, romantic love is unsustainable. There must be a foundation to sustain a relationship beyond it.
I wish I would have invited you to a speaker I saw at a Rotary meeting a few months back. He is a twenty something eligible (good looking -whew!) bachelor that went on a road trip across the country to find the secrets to the best marriages. He wrote a book (and the title is escaping me) about his experiences and what he learned. He interviewed hundreds of couples who have been married HAPPILY for more than 40 years!
His conclusion is: Real love is not a feeling, it is a decision that you make.
One woman he filmed said, “I have never thought about divorce for more than a brief second…..(pause)…..Murder? Yes! All the time…” Ha ha. The couples were SOOOO cute and so inspiring.
But they all said that all of the feelings go away and you are left with your commitment to your decision. You decide to light the fire again, to be respectful, to adore the others differences instead of fight them, etc…
Talk about bringing love back down to earth!
this is perfect, Mary.
And those guys you speak of, Project Everlasting, I’ve met them
big fan of what they are doing!