Exploit your kids, Nab a date?

Thank you, Jim for starting that great discussion on iHeart on “how to spot single parents in the wild” and suggesting we all wear special iHeartSingleParent tees around wherever we go =) Well, the iHeart crew thought it was a great idea, so they created an iHeartSingleParents Store. I’m loving all the tongue-in-cheek phrases they’ve come up with…very funny!

I think I might make Lucca a cute little billboard for the iHeart cause ….What if we all exploited our kids just a tad, could help us nab a date or two? (smile)…No better way to tell the world you are a single parent (and wouldn’t mind someone flirting with you) than sporting one of these styles next time you are out grocery shopping or heading to the park. =)

oh! and if you are a creative type, iHeart is looking for all the awesome designers out there,to <b>help design the next iHeartSingleParents t-shirt</b>. Send your designs to pdxiHeartSingleParents@gmail.com and the community will vote for their favorite!
(Specifications: jpg or PSD file; 3000px x 3000px)

Single Parents Inspire Eachother

I just had to share this awesome post from the iHeartSingleParents forum, a great example of how single parents insire one another. One of the fab members at iHeart, Mary Mary, started the discussion “The Best Thing About Being Single…

Ok, so we are all single parents and I think we all agree that it is TOUGH! BUT, there are many times that I think that I wouldn’t have it any other way.
When do you realize that being single and/or a single parent is actually the best? When do want to actually count it in your blessings? What makes you remember that all the crap that goes along with single/parenting is peanuts compared to the gratification that you recieve?
We really are lucky………..we rock harder than anyone!

You can read the full post and to be inspired by all the replies and add your own too. Just head on over to this string at iHeart here.

Sure, SingleParenthood can seem like a bowl full of lemons at times, but what I am reminded by from Mary Mary is that with the right attitude and circle of support, one can make a sweeeeet batch of lemonade! I love how single parents can inspire eachother!

 

image credit: comics by Natalie Dee

Learning about Peace and Happiness from Single Parent Sea Turtles?

We are in Hawaii right now I just got back from an amazing afternoon beach walk with Lucca– We saw several sea turtles!!! Down at the beach I had a moment to just sit and stare/listen to the ocean (and watch the turtles) and do a bit of journaling..I wanted to share with you some of what I wrote…

Lucca is dozing off to his nap in the shaded stroller beside me. This scene is almost perfection. Or maybe not even almost . It just is: Perfection. (What would I change about it? nothing. So often the ego resists being content. Why? Its silly…Good thing I caught her this time, and I let her know sweetly that there was nothing about the moment that needed or should be different). I am more than happy; I am actually peaceful.

Its late afternoon. We are down at the beach and the crowds have all turned in for the day, so mostly it’s just us, and since one of “us” is sleeping, it’s very serene. The waves are crashing and daring to teach me the meaning of meditation. Every time the wave comes in and before it breaks on the rocks obscuring what lies just beneath in salty foam,I get a glimpse into the lives of four joyful sea turtles. Describing them as “joyful” is not personifiaction; I think they really are joyful. Intuition tells me so (its that feminine power in me connecting =). Thats what love about nature and spending time in places that remind us it’s not just about “us” (i.e. mankind). There are a whole lot of other creatures here that are going about living and being here on earth, and often have a lot to teach us about how we might be able to better do that ourselves….like just being in the now; being playful; experiencing joy.

I’m watching the four sea-turtles do their thing and I notice how there are two big ones and two little ones. I wonder if they just might be two single mommas playing in the surf with their two beautiful babies. They could be…the four of them are definitely embodying the modern single parent family spirit– They are living their happily every now.
And here with Lucca, so am I.

So Why Create a Social Network and Online Community for Single Parents?

So why create a social network for single parents?

The short answer is because an online community for single parent is needed!

The longer answer includes the fact that  connecting to other single moms and single dads is fun (who can imagine life without iheart? what did we all do at night after our kiddo’s went to bed before we had eachother to engage with? =); life-affirming (the grass IS sometimes greener on the single parent side of life!); and powerful (who knew it would become such a meaningful way to change the negative stereotypes of single moms and single dads–we are showing the world what an awesome bunch of parents and hip human beings we are!)

Here is my story of how and why I came to co-create iHeartSingleParents with my best friend Clare…

When I found out I was pregnant I was definitely without proposals, plans, and/or prospects to be hitched any time soon. I knew right from the get-go I’d be doing the pregnancy thing and the parenting thing solo. IAnd let me tell you, in absolutely no capacity, except obviously biologically, was I prepared to be a single mother. Having just graduated with my Master’s degree, I was up to my knees in school loans; living in southern California to pursue a career in photography I was without family or good friends; being raised on the chant “do not get pregnant! do not get pregnant! do not get pregnant until you have your life figured out!” I was absolutely a mess trying to figure out how I ended up, well, knocked up.

Needless to say, I was without financial or emotional security and the closest person who cared about me lived a thousand miles away…but still, the bun in the oven wouldn’t stop cooking. And despite all that I was without, what I wasn’t without with was the internet. I had my laptop, and wi-fi at my favorite cafe was free.

So what’s a girl who would soon become a mom to do? Go online! Place her problems in the google search bar and hit return!

The first thing I searched for was “OBGYN, Ventura CA”

After the first appointment was made, my mind began turning about all that came next…

In terms of babies, parenting and disolving the ego and me-centered life, I knew there was a lot I needed to learn over the next 9 months and subsequent 18 years, and thank god there was books about most of that.(I think I spent my life-savings on Amazon that year). What was even scarier to me, though, was all that stuff that couldn’t be neatly chaptered in a book or refrenced in a wikipedia entry. I had the knowing that there was a lot I didn’t even know I would need to know and unless I found a community of people who shared in my single parentness, I would be learning everything the hard way, thru trial and error. But what is worse is that I would be doing it alone and slowly losing my sanity.

Not knowing where I could go to replace the comfort and support of having a spouse, a good friend, mentor, or kind stranger, I turned to google again and this time typed in “Single Parent Community.”

The results were sadly disappointing. What came up was a ton of dating service sites (as if! who can think of romance when everything in your life is being turned upside down….thanks, um, to well, sex!) and single mother grant hogwash ( sure you want to give me an easy $20, 000 because I’m going to be a single mother? Why am I finding it so hard to trust you….hmmm maybe because you are full of $#@&!- a word I can’t say around my unborn baby).

I could not for the life of me find one current, hip, give-me-hope-when-hope-is-gone, resourceful, single parent dedicated website out there. Not one. I found some amazing single parent blogs, but was still hungry for one united front!

When I had my moment of revelation that I was going to be a single mom and, yes, life as I knew it was going to change forever, I also made a commitment and promise to myself that I was going to be the coolest single mom out there–a truly modern single parent– striving for balance in my own life and my life as a mother. I would never drive a mini-van, or wear mom jeans; I would continue to dance on tables at karaoke bars and travel the world; I would learn how to put on make up while singing the ABC’s and bouncing a toddler on my hip; I would practice dating without having sex (practice…i said “practice”- we all need a little wiggle room, but now the wiggle room would definitely come with a child-proof latch, (big smile)).

After I had my son I continued my search for single parent communities online and cool websites that offered helpful advice and valuable information. I was also building my own photography businesses and staying true to my vision of being “the modern single parent.”  I started my Modern Single Momma blog and was so enjoying reading other single parent blogs (like SingleMomSeeking and MsSingleMama and DadsHouse) Still, I was unsatisfied by the lack of united, relevant, and uplifting websites for ‘our kind.’ I envisioned a place like MySpace, minus all the hoochi pics and spamers, and dedicated just to single parents ‘living the dream.’ I envisioned a place that could highlight awesome bloggers who share such entertaining and informative single parent related material, not only to help them get the word out about their writing but also to create a national voice for hip single moms and single dads that could change the old stereotypes.

The call to create a website that reflected the fun, sexy, joyful side of single parenthood came from within and would not leave me alone until I set out to do something about it. SingleParentSpecials was born to offer perks to the single parent and encourage single moms and single dads to get out and enjoy the good life in their cities and start living their happily ever nows. What quickly followed was the idea and desire to create a social network to bring hip single moms and single dads together in an authentic and modern way.

My good friend, Clare, also a single mother, shared an equal passion for reaching out and revamping the online scene for single parents. Sharing a common desire and vision, we decided to team up so we could give single parents across the world what we wish we had from the very beginning– a place to connect to other cool single parents and embrace the single parent lifestyle for everything it is–it’s ups and downs, twist and turns, follies and joys.

Thanks to you all, our vision for iHeart is swifty expanding and we have big plans to offer you even more in terms of ability to connect with eachother, share resources, tips/advice, simplify your life, and uplift your spirits! Our dream is to create THE go-to spot for single parents on the web and to give a voice to all the rockin’ single moms and dads out there.

I have a feeling this is going to be huge because not only is it needed, but because those old negative stereotypes of what it means to be a single mom or single dad are way outdated and a shift in consciousness is taking place. iHeart embraces this new vision of single parenthood and joining together we can spread the word to support, elevate and inspire single parents everywhere!

I would love to hear your feedback, comments and any ideas you have to help us reach more single parents who would enjoy being a part of this amazing community.

Self-Talk Confession

okay, so saying sweet nothings to myself in the mirror (and trying so hard to believe it) isn’t as orgasmic as I made it sound. BUT….what if it could be?
What if it was possible to make ourselves feel as beautiful and alive and as delicious as we wished another was making us feel?

It’s a goal!

Sometimes the insecure woman inside of me just wants so badly to hear a man say “You’re hot.” Other times the frustrated and lonely single mother inside of me just wants so badly to hear a man say, “You are an amazing mom…..and you are hot.”

Most of the time, though, like many of us here, there isn’t a man beside me to call me “princess” and make all my insecurities go away. Insecurities about how my breasts aren’t as perky as they once were, or my tummy as flat, or my bum as slappable (did I just say that?). So its up to me to deliver the cheesy lines and make myself feel better….or at least attempt to feel better.

I may be a mom, but I’m still a woman…and for some reason, gosh-dang it!, I want to hear–maybe even need to hear– that I still got it going on. =)

Anyone else feel the same?

Orgasmic Self-Talk

okay. confession time….I talk to myself in the mirror.

Tonight I said to the tired eyed and mascara smeared reflection, “You are beautiful.”
To the toothpaste drooling, holy-shit-i-spotted-a-gray-hair!- stranger in the mirror, “I love you.”
To the dimply thighed, love-handled, fuller-than-ever-before figured momma I said, “Damn. Your sexy!”

And I wanted to believe it.

The first run through of those lines, though, I could not even come close to delivering them to myself with same punch as when a man does.

So I faced the mirror, and delivered them again:

I said to the tired eyed and mascara smeared reflection, “You are beautiful.”
To the toothpaste drooling, holy-shit-i-spotted-a-gray-hair!- stranger in the mirror, “I love you.”
To the dimply thighed, love-handled, fuller-than-ever-before figured momma I said, “Damn. Your sexy!”

Second run thru I just laughed….made it to “Damn!” but couldn’t say “Your sexy!”

So I took a deep breath and delivered them...again.

I said to the tired eyed and mascara smeared reflection, “You are beautiful.”
To the toothpaste drooling, holy-shit-i-spotted-a-gray-hair!- stranger in the mirror, “I love you.”
To the dimply thighed, love-handled, fuller-than-ever-before figured momma I said, “Damn. Your sexy!”

Third time I kept a straight face, but wanted to cry:

I didn’t feel beautiful. I didn’t feel sexy. I didn’t know how to love the woman in the mirror who would never again have her 18 year old ass back. Petty things! Ass, breasts, thighs, abs….simply body parts, right? Why do they have so much pull in a woman’s self-esteem?

Say the lines again:
“You are beautiful.”
“I love you.”
“Damn! You are sexy.”

anything?

Say them again, slower:
“You…. are…. beautiful.”
“I…..LOVE….. you.”
“Damn! ……………..You………. are sexy!”

feeling better, strangely

Say them again, with emphasis:
“YOU!!!!…. are…. beautiful.”
“I…..LOVE….. you.”
“Damn!!!!!!! @%*^!!!!!!..……………You………. are sexxxy!”

okay, I’m starting to glow…almost like something delicious is building here

“You are beautiful.”
“I love you.”
“Damn! You are sexy.

keep going, I’m almost there!

“You are beautiful.“
“I love you.”
“Damn! You are sexy.
“You are beautiful.”
“I love you.”
“Damn! You are sexy.
“You are beautiful.”
“I love you.”
“Damn! You are sexy.
“You are beautiful.”
“I love you.”
“Damn! You are sexy.”You are beautiful.”
“I love you.”
“Damn!!!! You are sexy!!!!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…….. and I’m spent!

Who’s heard of Hulu?

As if I needed another reason to not ever turn off my laptop— there is Hulu.com.

Many of us pride ourselves in not owning a television, but we secretly crave some good time tv. We use the excuse that life is too busy and our babies too precious to spend prime time in front of the boob tube, but, really, wouldn’t we love to watch certain (The Office!! ) shows if we could watch them anytime we wanted!?

I would! and now my life has forever changed…..I have discovered Hulu.* And there really is nothing more to say about it except that it is wonderful and exciting at the same time. Wonderful in that I can catch up on all that I’ve missed at Dunder and Mifflin; and exciting because I now go to bed with one more electronic device (tongue in cheek laughter). Hulu lets you watch movies, tv episodes, special clips and more…for free. No commercials (well, not compared to FOX). Enough said. Enjoy! Here is my fav of the evening:

 

*thanks Bret!

 

The Perfect Neighbors

I was on a run with Lucca the other day (love my Bob jogging stroller!) and I began thinking about ‘the perfect neighbors’.

One of the things I like best about running outside is exploring new neighborhoods. Right now Lucca and I are living at my parents, and while I am eternally grateful to them for putting up with a living room full of toys, a garbage full of diapers, and a laundry room full of tiny mismatched socks, I do have dreams of moving out from underneath their roof–preferably sometime before Lucca packs his own bags and heads off for college.

Don’t get me wrong, free rent and free babysitters are not something to take for granted. Still, the dream of home ownership and stocking a kitchen full of my own pots and pans and silverware, is mine.

 So when I am on a run with Lucca, and exploring new neighborhoods across my town, one of my favorite games to play is the “what- if- you- lived- here” game. I imagine what our backyard might look like and if the folks on our street would invite us to their barbecues; what the commute to Lucca’s daycare would be like, and which color I would paint my mailbox.

On this particular day, running down a quiet street of unassuming houses, I saw a simple but inspiring scene:

An older women waving goodbye to her neighbor and her neighbor’s kids as they pulled out the driveway aross the street.

What was so inspiring about that? The way she waved:  She waved in big over-the-top strokes, as if she was flagging down an airplane, as if she wanted to make absolutely sure her neighbors knew how important they were and how missed they would be, even if all they were making was a quick trip to the grocery store. I love this kind of wave- the kind of wave that gets the whole body involved and requries full commitment and passion by the person doing the waving;  the kind of wave that can’t be missed a mile down the road.  They kind of wave that tells the receiver “you are seen, you are appreciated.”

Watching this I experienced a flud of warmth and love for humanity, and lucid moment of understanding that ”this is what community is all about.” As a single mom, one of my deepest desires is to surround Lucca with family, friends and community who absolutely love and acknowledge him–not to compensate for the fact that his father never did, but to teach him that despite circumstances that might tempt a person to believe otherwise, people are generally good, kind, and loving. 

I let myself imagine living on this street….I imagined a few years into the future Lucca boarding a school bus and being on the recieving end of this kind of wave. It filled me with joy….This was the kind of street I wanted to live on and I wanted Lucca to grow up on. A grandiose waver might possibly be the sign of a perfect neighbor. =)

What are some of the things you look for in a community/neighborhood where you raise your kids?

Are their quarky signs, like the big wave, that point to you the makings of a good neighbor?

Also, I would love hear what you guys think are some of the unique characteristics of a person that would  makes them especially good neighbors to single parents (like running their own day-care center from their home)? 

Modern Single Momma in NYC!

Wow! What an exciting (and incredibly exhausting) 3 days.

I just got home from a whirlwind trip to NYC and am buzzing with gratitude and joy for all that is happening in my life!

A local morning show in New York called the Mike and Juliet Morning Show called me Thursday morning to help them with a segment on single moms and dating. The segment was going to air on their live show at 9 am eastern pacific and so they needed to fly me out there asap. (Why they couldn’t find another single mom in their city of millions is beyond me, but I was grateful they thought of me and wanted me there none-the-less and I didn’t ask questions…what was I, crazy?!–it was an all expense paid trip and I would get to sleep in a hotel room with fluffy pillows and no crying baby, of course I’ll go!)

After I did a bit of negotiating (yes, I’ll take the red-eye if you guys wouldn’t mind putting in a little plug for our little i heart communtiy? I was stuffing matching bra and underwear sets (you never know), blackboots and skinny jeans into a carry-on suticase and convincing my parents to take care of Lucca for a few days (it didn’t take much convincing, they are so great, and so proud of their little girl going to the big city to be on TV!)

At 4:45 that evening Clare and I did our radio spot on NRK’s “perfect playlist” with Gustav and by 6:00 I was hugging, squeezing, and practically suffocating my little Lucca holding back tears (I haven’t left him overnight for over a year!) as I said goodbye (momma’s going on an airplane!!) and rushed to the airport.

My flight was supposed to take off at 8:15pm and was scheduled to arrive at JFK after a quick stop over in Denver at 6:10am. However, it was delayed , and so my connection in Denver to New York would be missed. The earliest the ticket agent said she could get me in was 2 pm the next day, which was not at all helpful at all– the Mike and Juliet is a live show, which means they needed me there by 9 or forget it.

As the ticket agent was telling me this, my heart sank. What was I to do? Just turn around and go home? Didn’t she get that these opportunities for free trips to New York City didn’t come the way of single moms often (even hip modern single mommas!)? No giving up yet! I had already put myself thru too much saying goodbye to my little man, and now at the airport I was gung-ho for the adventure to begin. I was also understood though, as optimistic as I know myself to be, certain things are just outside of your control– airplanes, departure times and seat space are a few of those–and could do nothing more than just go with the flow. None-the-less, I called the producer to give her the scoop about the flight dillema and even though it was the middle of the night were she was, she went right to work solving the problem. Amazing how some people–especially those in the entertainment world– do not take NO for an answer and some how, some way, make things happen…..In less than 30 minutes I was booked on another airline.

To make a longer story short (Lucca is now up from his nap and eager to play with the momma he went without for three days and you betcha I can’t say “please wait honey, just another few mintutes while mommas updates her blog”) after the long night of flying across country and the mad dash to the car that was waiting for me at the JFK airport, and the sprint I made with the producer from the sidewalk to the studio, I arrived 4 minutes too late for the segment. Everyone was so apologetic and kept saying how sorry they were to have to put me thru all of that to not even make it in time for the show.
I at least got to meet Dr. Leah, who is a new member here on i heart, and a super awesome and wise single mother herself. She was the “expert” for the segment and she signed a copy of her book “The Complete Single Mother” for me!

Truth be told, I was a little grateful things turned out like they did. After four hours killing time in the airport bar at PDX and a red-eye flight, I was in NO shape for television. The idea of having to walk on set looking like I just got hit by a train or worse, and having to talk articulately about single motherhood and the parellels of dating, was more than freightening. I may have been up for a trip to New York, but I was not quite up to an appearance a nationally syndicated talk show. =)

Thank god the universe has a way of looking out for us!

I do hope the opportunity presents itself again to talk about life and love as a single mother. More importantly, I hope I am given the chance to bring some publicity to our amazing little single parent community, because this is where my heart is at and I am so proud of how it is growing and the inspiration and support of everyone here.

…and of course I wouldn’t mind another comped nights stay in Times Square at Hotel Mela: the mini-bar, the bathtub, and all those pillows is all this momma needs to call it a vacation!

I Heart Single Parents on Fox News!

Last week some really exciting stuff started happening for our hip little single parent social network, i Heart Single Parents...we made the news! (Watch the clip here) and broke 100 members! It’s totally the best single parent community on the net and we have big dreams to get even better… Definitely come check us out, if you haven’t yet!

Right now we are recruiting talented single parent bloggers to join us and share their blogs with our community… is that you? =)